Avoiding the Violence of Dating
The statistics for dating violence occurrences are startling. According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, one in three high school or college students will experience sexual, physical, emotional, and/or verbal abuse in a dating relationship. With such a high level of occurrence, it is very likely that one, if not more, of your friends is in a violent relationship.
DATING VIOLENCE
Dating violence cannot be defined as just one argument every once in a while; it is a cycle of repeated, abusive behavior that one partner uses to control the other. Although the perpetrators of violence are overwhelmingly male, and their victim’s female, there are a small percentage of reported cases of males who have also been victimized. It is important to note that dating violence not only occurs in heterosexual relationships, but also between gay and lesbian couples too.
The control can be either physical or mental such as:
- name calling or put-downs
- frequent breaking of promises
- isolation from friends and/or family
- withholding of money
- actual or threatened physical harm
- destruction of personal property.
If you feel as though any of these situations are occurring in your relationship, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Does your partner constantly put you down?
- Are you afraid of your partner’s temper?
- Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?
- Have you been hit, kicked, pushed, or shoved by your partner?
- Has your partner forced or pressured you to have sex?
- Have you been afraid to say “No!” to sex?
If you can answer, “yes” to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship and should talk to someone you trust about it. Ending a relationship can be hard, but having a strong support system helps lessen the burden.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND DATE RAPE
One of the more brutal forms of sexual assault is rape. It is a very common aspect of dating violence. Rape is any form of unwanted sexual contact obtained without consent and/or obtained through the use of force, threat of force, intimidation, or coercion.
According to the National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control, more than 80% of all sexual assaults are committed by an acquaintance of the victim. And, one out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
Women and teens are not alone in their fear of being sexually assaulted. The National Center for Victims of Crime indicated that in 1999, one in every 10 rape victims were male.
The impact of a rape on a person’s emotional wellbeing can be devastating. Countless victims suffer in silence and feel ashamed, alone, or believe that the rape was somehow their fault. Rape crisis counselors are often the first support for a victim after she/he has been raped. A large part of their job is helping victims understand that the rape is not their fault, that the victim did not “ask” to be raped, and that they are not alone.
DATE RAPE DRUGS
Recently, there has been a sudden emergence of “date rape drugs” which rapists are using to sedate their victims so that the victim’s judgment and behavior are severely impaired. One such drug is Rohypnol. It is known by many street names — such as “Ruffies.”
- Researchers believe that Rohypnol is putting many young people at risk for being raped. Rohypnol dissolves easily in liquid, which is why it is often slipped into a drink belonging to the victim. Within twenty to thirty minutes after ingestion, the victim begins to feel drowsy, confused, have impaired motor skills, dizzy, and have impaired judgment. The victim begins to slur their speech, and have difficulty walking. Many victims have stated that after ingestion, they feel as though their legs and arms were filled with sand. Worst of all, Rohypnol can cause complete or partial amnesia.
- Rohypnol is a very dangerous drug. When mixed with alcohol, which it usually is, the potential for danger increases. The victim’s blood pressure drops extremely low, respiratory functioning slows down, and breathing becomes difficult. Ultimately, the decreased functioning of the body’s systems can cause coma or death.
GHB (gamma-hydroxybutyrate) is another widely used drug in rape cases. GHB acts as a depressant on the central nervous system, much like the effects of Rohypnol. GHB causes dizziness, nausea, vomiting, seizures, intense drowsiness, confusion, unconsciousness and comma. GHB also causes “anterograde amnesia,” meaning memory loss after ingestion.
So what can you do to protect yourself? Here are some tips we recommend you follow when at a party or other social event.
- Don’t drink beverages that you did not open yourself.
- Don’t share or exchange drinks with anyone.
- Don’t take a drink from a punch bowl.
- If possible, bring your own drink to the party.
- Do not leave your drink unattended.
- Designate a “sober” person who will periodically check on you to ensure you are safe.
- If you feel that you or one of your friends has ingested Rohypnol or GHB, get to a safe place.
- Ask a trusted friend to stay with you and assist you in getting the help you need.
- Call the police.
- Go to your nearest hospital’s emergency department.
- Call a local rape crisis center for support and help.
For further info on this subject:
www.ncvc.org
www.safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/dating.asp
* Reprinted from Positive Teens Magazine Volume 3 Issue 6, Nov/Dec 2001
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