On My Own

Being young means having fun. Playing in the backyard with your friends is fun. And when you're young, you have fewer responsibilities compared to grown-ups. But for me, being young meant being a grown-up.

At age 16 I thought I was mature enough to have boyfriends and do grown-up things. When my mom told me I couldn't date whom I wanted and go where I wanted, I ran away - this was not the smartest thing to do. So, on my own, I struggled to find a place to live, some food to eat, a friend to talk to. On my own.

Months go by, finally I found someone. A friend to me, someone who claims to love me! Things go further then just friendship.

Some time has gone by, now I am alone in this room, thoughts are flowing in and out of my mind. A nurse walks up to me; my mind is somewhere else. She speaks, but I don't hear her. I asked her to repeat what she said to me. All I hear is the word "positive". "What does this mean?" I'm mad. I'm scared, I'm full of fear, but now I can say I am not on my own.

Age 17, small and still young and now with a tiny human being growing inside of me. I cry, I laugh, I cry some more. "What am I going to do?" I make myself get up. I go to see a doctor and she helps me. "What a relief, some help!" But the reality is, I must move on, I've got to be strong.

Confronting my fears was the next step - how could I possibly tell my mom? The one who trusted me the most was about to hear the "news." I thought I had the courage to tell her but when we came face to face, I found I had no courage left in me. Months went by and I still had not said a word, for my condition was unnoticeable to everyone who saw me.

As time went by, I could not keep my secret any longer, I had begun to show. This meant I had no choice but to let it be known. In fear, I walked into my mother's kitchen. Asking her if she had a second to talk, I began to try and tell her this secret I had literally been holding inside. But before I could find the words, I started to cry. I could see the worry on my mom's face as she held me. When I looked up at her she asked, "You're pregnant aren't you?" I nodded yes.

She didn't want to believe it, but knew it was the truth and knew there was nothing she could do about it.

I continue to live on my own, but I am doing it this time with the support of my family. That makes me happy.

My newborn child entered the world surrounded by family, friends and the best thing of all, love!

As I watch him grow, I see his teeth start to come out, and he has started to crawl. Seeing him make his funny faces is the best of all. And, when he reaches for a hug with his little hands, I think to myself, "I'm glad God gave me a chance!" (Stephanie continued her high school education.)

Stephanie S., 18
Roxbury, Massachusetts

* Reprinted from Positive Teens Magazine Volume 2 Issue 1, Jan/Feb 1999

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