Friends 4-eva

When you hear the statement "friends are forever" who do you automatically think of? Do you think of a close friend who you have known all your life - like a best friend? Or, do think of a friend who will be there with you from now until forever? Well for me, when I hear this statement, I think of a friend who I hold deep inside my heart from now until forever. It may seem strange to some people, but when I hear this statement, I think of someone who isn't alive. I think of my friend Ken, (Ken is not his real name, I prefer to keep his identity a secret, as this is a very personal story).

Ken was one of my closest friends. We went to the same school together, grew up together, played together, and we even called each other brothers. We were "mad tight!" Most people thought that it was strange that we were good friends, because we were different. For example, he was a quiet, mature basketball-freak who hated school, and I was a loud, immature track-freak who loved school. But no matter what the differences, we were still the best of friends.

However, things changed when I had to move. I moved to one side of town, while Ken stayed in the same neighborhood. We were only kids, and all we said to each other when we parted was that we would be friends forever. We didn't really say goodbye to each other, instead of goodbye we said, "See-yah later!"

Five years passed before I saw Ken again - it wasn't until seventh grade. We continued our friendship where it had left off.

We hung out and made jokes together and, of course, we enjoyed checking out the cute "honeyz" around the city. It was like when we were kids, just having fun together. But time is short when you are having fun, and indeed it was for me. I didn't have enough time to make up for all the lost time that I had missed in five years. I was preparing to enter high school and he was attending another school. That was the turning point of my life.

I entered high school, but I never did forget about Ken. I would sometimes go back to my old neighborhood to see if he was there, but most of the time he wasn't. The only time I ever saw him was when he was around his "boys." People change sometimes when they are with their new friends, that is what happened to Ken It didn't really bother me that much because I had my own friends, but if I'm really honest with myself, I guess I should confess, maybe it did a little bit.

As months passed by, I never got another chance to see or hang out with Ken until just two days before my birthday.

My cousin and two of my friends took me to a local arcade as an early birthday gift. We were having a lot of fun; suddenly I turned around and I bumped into Ken. Since he wasn't hanging with his "boys", I started to talk to him and again we CLICKED just like the old days. We were making jokes and talking about the good old days. I was very happy.

Before we parted, I asked him if we could hangout together again sometime, and he said, "Cool, Man!"

Many days passed by and I never saw or heard from Ken. So I decided, that since he had new friends, he didn't want to hang out with me anymore. So I just forgot about it and continued doing my own "thang" in school.

One day, when I was at school, I heard that Ken had committed suicide. From the moment I heard that, I was very upset. I couldn't believe that he would actually do something stupid like that. I never thought he would actually do that kind of s... (expletive). I was stunned.

His body was going to be waked for two days. I decided to go on the first day, I needed to release all my emotions to him.

When I got there, it was very quiet. I approached his coffin where he laid looking so peaceful. As I stood in front of him, I could see my tears falling down onto him, so I decided to say my prayers to him.

I was very angry with him, but at that moment, I was also very sad. I was angry to see that one of my closest friends would ever do something like that to himself and hurt everyone around him. I couldn't believe that he had forgotten all his words on how we were going to hang out together and how we were going to be friends for life. I just kept telling myself that it was only a nightmare and that I would eventually wake up - but I didn't, this was real. I had to wake up and face the fact that Ken was really dead! "So move on," I told myself.

As I walked Out the door, that was when I decided to leave the past where it belonged. So when it was time for the funeral, I was just speechless. I couldn't say anything, not even good-bye.

Leaving the past alone has been pretty hard for me. I didn't accept reality and the truth that he was dead. It took me the whole summer just to get through this nightmare. But with the help of my family, my cousin, my coach and school guidance counselor, and of course my friends, I did get through this nightmare in one piece and can finally move on.

Now I am a sophomore in high school and I am a hardworking student and a track star.

This might sound strange, but Ken's death helped to motivate me to strive for my goals in life. I have used all of my energy and put it into my schoolwork and running track, and for that, the result was the "BOMB!"

Now I am sitting on top of the world! I will never forget all the ~n times I had with Ken, nor will I forget the ups and downs we went through in life. I guess if he had not been a part of my life, I would not have become a hardworking, happy and energetic person. I would never have been this track star that I've always wanted to be when I was a kid.

It might've been hard facing the truth that Ken is dead, but the only way to face reality is to keep on moving forward and never look back. Of course, I will never forget Ken as long as I live because he will always be in my heart from now until forever.

If you ever go through a similar situation, just remember that person will always be a part of your heart and nothing can replace those memories. Just keep on moving forward and don't turn back. I know that it may be hard at first, but with the help of your family and friends, you will get through it.

Please read the poems I wrote for Ken (friends 4-ever and friends) and keep in mind "friends are 4-eva".

Chanta T.
Somerville, Massachusetts

* Reprinted from Positive Teens Magazine Volume 1 Issue 4, Sept/Oct 1999

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